what do you do when you become so obsessed with just one thing?  i've tried so hard to overcome this struggle...which i have gotten better....but still struggling.  i keep my eyes on Jesus and try to have tunnel vision...keep my eyes on Him only.  maybe i'm having a hard time cause i'm jumping from 2 extremes?  what is a good balance?  how do you find that balance?  how do i honor God with my desires?  do i express my desires, as a child expresses his desire to his father, or do i completely give it up to Him and try to stay away from it?  either i'm consumed or totally completely trying to stay away from it....it's too hard.  do others have the same struggle, or is it just me?  wise words for today:

Self-analyzation can lead to depression.  We need to keep our attention focused on Christ.  I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Romans 7:15

God speaks!  if we seek Him and strive to live a godly life, He helps us.  that's what i've been learning.  i will never stop sinning until the day i go to heaven.  i've accepted the fact that i'm a sinner and i can't do anything to stop being one.  that doesn't make it okay to sin, but it gives me hope for each day. each day i fall, God picks me back up and we start again.  each day God helps me to take steps toward complete repentence.  God gives me the grace and mercy i need each day and motivates me with His love.  and though i fall each day, each day we grow a little closer to God.  i'm still struggling, but the amazing thing is, i'm still striving!!  thank you God!!  taking it day by day.

so much on my mind, yet i'm so at peace.  i know that's God in me.  thank God.  first of all, one of my childhood friend's mother passed away last weekend.  goodness, i can't imagine my life without my mom.  i'm 24 years old, but i would be so lost without her.  i'm thankful to God for the health of my family.  it's something that we don't really think about, but something we should continually be thankful for.  i pray God will be with my friend and her family.  she's had a pretty tough life, with her brother passing away when we were in jr. high.  you have to be so strong to be able to overcome these kinds of hardships.  God, please be with her.  help her to find strength in you.  help her to find you in the midst of the heartaches and tears.  bring healing to her family.

what is a church supposed to be about?  what is the purpose for it?  for me, it's a community of believers that share lives together.  what brings us together is our faith in God.  some people would say to go and be fed, to worship...but we can do that anywhere, anytime, right?  of course it's a lot easier to understand the Word when the pastor explains it to you, but we have resources to go to, to be fed and grow in knowledge of the Word.  but a fellowship of believers is found in the church and that's why i'm sad that all these things are happening at FWMC.  i could go to any church in seattle where there's more people my age, but i don't think i can put the time and energy into that.  driving up to seattle for church, and then for bible study and small groups.  it'll take time and effort.  it was nice being a part of the community in fw where i live.  maybe that'll sound like laziness to people, but my community is here, this is where i live.  this is where i want to see God moving. 

i totally respect PD's decision and i know that God will take care of each and everyone of us.  the one thing i learned from all this is that God is real and moving.  He speaks to us, and our part is to listen and obey.  no matter how much we desire something, if it's not God's will, i don't want it.  i want what God wants.  and when God asked Solomon what he wanted, he said he wanted to be able to hear God's voice and know what is from God and what is not so that he could obey.  God, i pray the same prayer that i can hear your voice and obey your will.

okay, so my trip was awesome!!!!!  and i totally loved it!  it was crazy and busy in new york, but we took it totally slow and i got more rest than i needed!!  so it was awesome!!!

sunday: soho, china town, little italy and eat!!

monday: china town-shop shop shop til i dropped!  : )  and then k-town (korea town) for some yummy dol sot bi bim bap.  yum yum!  oh and i got to see kim-lein and situ.  oh!  and i had the bestest bubble tea ever!!  it was sooooooooo good!!!! i never had anything like it before....

tuesday: times square, central park, and serendipity!!!!  it was fun and the weather was so nice, it was just perfect!

wednesday: went to HSBC to meet up with our friend to say good-bye and off to soho for some last minute shopping....then met up with jeane's friend to go to boston.

thursday: toured gordon-conwell and had some really expensive-not so good korean food....totally disappointed....and thankful that we have cheap and yummy korean food over here.  then we had THE BEST PRAYER MEETING/PRAISE JAM SESSION ever!!!!!!!!!  i totally needed it and was so blessed by God.  it was so awesome that words cannot even describe!  that was THE highlight of my trip!  :) 

friday: go into the city....visited harvard, rubbed john harvard's feet for some good luck, went to mit (supposedly they're supposed to be really smart, but the way they build buildings over there....i don't know....)  hahaha....and then quincy market!!  oh, and how can i forget?  learned to play poker and beat everyone....hahaha....as one person described me (in a high squeaky pitchy unsure voice) "is this okay?  i'm meek...." (then in a low deep voice) "read em and weep, i win again"  hahaha...had jeane cracking up for hours!!!  okay, not hours, but really hard!

saturday:  finally go home and hang out at the dc airport for a few hours.  the flight home was nice and it was good to be back.

kris, jeane, i totally had fun and i'm soooo glad i got to do it with you guys.  we'll do it again for sure!  yikes!  gotta go!  my class is starting up again.  my company sent me to this training and it's our break....okay okay bye!!!

hey hey guys!!  i haven't written here in for so long!  but i just wanted say...."I'm going to New York and Boston!!!"  yay!!!!  ^^  i'm soooo happy i get time off from work and i'm going with my super duper good friend jeane noh to see our high school buddy kris!  we're going to have soooo much fun!  do you guys recommend anything fun to do over there? 

pray for me...we're flying on independence and i've never heard of them.  i've never been afraid of flying....but i'm not sure about this one...i guess if God wants me early, i'll go early....but hehehe...  ^^ pray for me!!